As the year is coming to a close, and as my 19th birthday is starting to come closer as well; I'm starting to think back to all the things I use to find so important in my life.
I feel like art was really one of those things at one point.
And if I dare say it...I miss it terribly.
I miss the feeling of drawing. I miss the feeling of imagining and creating. However, I feel like it is no longer part of me. After it was forced upon me, I stopped enjoying it nearly as much as I once did. But, I feel like a failure, in a sense, for letting something stupid get in the way of something I once loved.
I stopped drawing because I felt like I wasn't good enough.
I stopped because I was sick of comparing myself and knowing I wasn't going to be that good.
I stopped because I was sick of hearing "practice" when I've been drawing for years and still feel as though I've made no change.
I gave it up...
I gave up art. Something that I truly loved.
The reason I am writing this today, is because of my mom. My mom has always been a strange kind of support for me. She supported me in a different way than a normal mother would. Most moms would most about their child being an 'artist' or their talents, while my mom would instead just try and push me in the right direction. She knew I liked art, so she signed me up for classes. She bought me supplies. She encouraged me more than anyone.
And I love her so much for it..
Today, my mom said to me, "Draw. Just draw. What are you afraid of?"
I tolled her, "I just don't want to draw."
She said, "Because you know that if you pick it up again, you'll never stop...?"
I said, "Exactly."
And we both just laughed.
I want to have that courage, motivation and imagination to draw again. But, it'll be like being a child. I'll have to walk before I can run...and again...that takes motivation I have to find.
I just wanted to give anyone who is still looking for me, or watching me, this message.
One day, I'll come back.
And you don't have to wait for me.
But to those who will, Thanks.